These corporate Instagrams where pseudo-imaginary employees clap back at a virtual boss are not real. When you scroll to the comments, you see real members of the workforce expressing “I could never” and “I would get fired”—and it’s true. It’s not about being brave enough or rigid in your expectations. I’ve done all of those things. In fact, I don’t know any other way to be. And I’ve paid the consequences for these choices. 

So…  what is the solution? 

Well, I think lying might do the trick.

My white female coworkers with children were afforded more liberties by my former manager—a white mother of three.

When I saw these coworkers shifting their “9 to 5” to “7 to 3” or “10 to 6”, I was under the impression I could do the same. “I don’t care when you work, as long as the work gets done.”

WRONG. My manager told me this did not apply to me. “You don’t know the special circumstances they discussed with me to gain that permission.”

Ok. The “flexible schedule,” advertised during the hiring process, was actually on a per-approval basis.

In a subsequent meeting, my manager—who had decided earlier that Tuesday to work from home—tilts her webcam down and proudly shows me her baby, who was a tad under the weather that day.

Fuck that baby, and fuck her too.

In that work environment, moms can log off early.  Baby duty? Need to work from home? Child’s sick? Need an extension? Family comes first.

I watched them protect their time with a magic excuse. No pushback. No side-eye. Just understanding and immediate accommodation.

Should I decide to re-enter the corporate workforce, I fully intend to invent a child for work.
Ethically tricky, sure—but kind of necessary. In this environment, being a parent isn’t a burden; it’s a badge of legitimacy. In this space, being a mom was a shield that protected your time from a new task at 5pm. 

The caveat in this situation is that your boss would need to identify with your unique situation, so they could grant you some leeway. Otherwise, you are just another warm body with no excuse to log off.

I shouldn’t have to lie to protect my time outside of work. But until managerial empathy stops being conditional, I might just start playing the game that was never made for me.

Protect your peace,  

Stef