I am experiencing something new and uncomfortable. I got injured at work and I am experiencing what I hope is temporary disability. I have 3 herniated discs in my lower back, one of which is pressing on a nerve bundle that provides input to my left side. This pressure is causing sharp nerve pain to travel down my leg. It also causes muscle spasms in my glute and hamstring, but my friend has rebranded it as “involuntary twerking,” so I guess that’s a little sexier.

This injury has created a time limit on how long I can sit or stand without pain. Once a travel enthusiast, I am now a queen who dreads sitting for more than 40 minutes in any environment, especially if it is a plane. Recovery is extremely slow and anything but a straight line. The mental battle to keep a routine is just as tough. My insomnia resurfaced and I find myself in a daily mental battle to get out of bed. Some days are better than others. What remains consistent is the pain I feel after I push beyond my body’s comfort level, and I end up horizontal for a few days at a time trying to bargain with God for relief.

This experience has made me feel so fragile, but I’m actually tough as shit. You know how much strength it takes to ask for help? As someone who has taken pride in living alone since 18, I have grown comfortable in isolation because I do everything for myself: laundry, cook, wash dishes, clean my place, wash my hair, make my own bed, do my nails, lift my luggage into the overhead bin, take out the trash, get groceries… It exhausts me how long this list is and how much help I need now. When I foolishly attempt to do these tasks by myself, my body pays the price after. The first few days post-injury, I could not stand for more than 7 or 8 minutes without pain. Time yourself and tell me how much you can get done at home. Clock that.

This injury has reminded me that movement is a privilege. I spent my birthday in a back brace. I missed out on J’ouvert last week. I’ve been mourning my usual activities. That said, I’ll mourn for a lifetime if I fumble this recovery period trying to fuck around and find out if my waist still works.
It is so frustrating to deal with circumstances that are out of our control, but I do believe there is a lesson in this. I have to.

Disc herniation can arise in two common ways: sudden severe damage or repetitive stress over time. I had the former, in a slip and fall; the latter is common in office workers. Many of us spend our time seated, hunched over computers. In physical therapy, I learned that sitting is NOT a resting position. This is the humble beginning of serious wear and tear that can lead to disc inflammation, which can increase your vulnerability to injury.

That said, if your company does ergonomic assessments, get that ass assessed! Request a standing desk. Take laps around your office space to squeeze in opportunities to protect your back. I want us all to try to be well-rounded in our wellness.

More than anything, I want this post here for a year from now, when my mobility and endurance have improved so I can thank myself for being patient today because healing takes time. Instead of well wishes, tell me one of the ways you will honor your body after reading this.
Also, register to vote.

Cheers,

Stefanie