I’ve found a new term that feels appropriate to use in describing my time in graduate school thus far. I am experiencing “quiet firing.” Quiet firing is defined as a form of neglect that slowly pushes employees out of their job, as described by The Gallup. The quiet firing technique includes withholding resources like appropriate coaching, professional development and aversion to recognition and praise for success/productivity. By using this approach, the workplace environment feels progressively less welcoming/ pleasant which leads to employee withdrawal and often overall decreased workplace productivity when working in a team setting. 

Now if you read Science while being bullied, you’ll recall that I experienced these things while preparing for my qualifying exam. Withholding of adequate coaching was presented in the form of my, now, former PIs suspending our weekly one-on-ones and encouraging I seek feedback elsewhere when my proposal was in its earliest form. In my department, PIs typically introduce their students in person for their annual department “Works-in-Progress” (WIP) talk; he conveniently opted to work from home that day and the brevity of his introduction spoke volumes. The aversion of recognition in a text message that said “Yay!” and no further celebration of this feat. 

When I last posted you all were made aware that I was taking a medical leave of absence from my program. You’ll be shocked to learn, as I was, that during my leave, I stopped by my, now, former lab to find my ex-PI had cleared my bench and tore down the decorations that made my desk space home, a mere two weeks into my leave. I learned this on an evening I decided to come in and grab my phone charger, instead of via an email from said PI.  He even peeled the labels off of my pipettes.

He took time to get up from his office to do a violent, invasive act. To state that there is no place for you here, despite finding success when an abundance of obstacles he generated were placed before me. When I confronted him for an explanation, he told me to speak with the Dean, as they would explain it to me. I told him it was wildly unprofessional to operate like this and it further reinforced his shortcoming in communication and leadership. Upon meeting with the Dean, they told me after I return from leave, I am to “find a new place to complete my PhD.” And they immediately proceeded to ask “so what are your research interests?” I beg your fucking pardon? My research interests? 

As many of you know, thesis work does not very well transfer from one lab/advisor to the next. So here I was once again, put out on my ass being told to start over, during year three. I asked for an explanation. All they mustered up was, “He said there was a wall between you two that made it difficult to work together moving forward.” I was previously promised a mediation with this PI, and apparently during my leave he met with the two Deans (one of whom I recruited to advocate on my behalf) and they came to this decision, without informing me. They then had the nerve to tell me I am “lucky” because they don’t usually “allow” people a second opportunity to switch labs, but because I proved myself on the qualifying exam, they were poised to make an exception. 

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Didn’t I prove myself when I got accepted? When I published my 3rd paper and 1st first author paper during my second year in the program? When I passed all of my coursework? When I, according to my committee member, gave one of the best departmental WIPs of the season? How odd, don’t you think?

Does this story make you angry?

 Yes? Good. You should be.

 No? Then you are part of the problem. 

The most frustrating part of this is there is seemingly no consequence for the PI. The best I can do is encourage incoming students to avoid that lab. I am the one, who must start over and this displacement, to me, is a form of retaliation. I value justice so deeply. I actually crave it, but my therapist reminds me often that whether or not this PI is held accountable is out of my control. What is in my control, however, is the sharing of this narrative and the amplifying the voices of others. I am not the only student who has experienced being “kicked out” of a lab and I am certainly not the only person who has experienced quiet firing. I am going to link another narrative, published in Science, because I honor that this story was shared. Will you share my story as well? 

Thank you for reading, 

Stef