Ok gworlies, this is the interaction I had at the UCSD SfN social: 

The person who made “academic twitter” a trigger word for me will be referred to as ‘Dude’. Dude first interacts with my friend who is engaged and she found out dude is from Brooklyn. I tapped him on the shoulder. 

Me: “I heard you’re from Brooklyn, too!”

Dude: “Yea, I am, I was just telling your friend how nice it is to see black women in this space.” (+1) “Keep up the great work” (-1 patronizing).

Me: “Are you still located in Brooklyn?” 

Dude: “I’m doing my post-doc at columbia.” 

Me: “That’s nice.” 

Dude: “What’s your academic twitter?”

Me: “I don’t use twitter for academic purposes.”

Dude: “WHAT? How are you ever going to find a post-doc?” 

Me: “…I’m an industry baby *queue Lil Nas X* so that really is not a concern for me.” 

Dude: “NO, NO, we need more black professors.” 

Me: “less than X% of Black women get tenured and no one is going to stress me out for less that $120K starting salary.” See Fast Facts: Race/ethnicity of college faculty (61) (ed.gov) for relevant statistics. 

Dude: “My PhD was 5 years, stress-free and I’m now in my post-doc being paid extremely well.”

Me: “I love that for you. I’ve seen more than enough bullshit in my first 2 years of grad school to know this is not the route for me.”

Dude: “You wouldn’t have so much bullshit if you had a network… this is why you need to be on twitter.”

 Me: “…I have excellent support systems, but this will never make bullshit go away, it just makes it more tolerable. Quite frankly, look at Nikole Hannah Jones. She was recruited to professorship and still got bullshit despite all her accolades.” Nikole Hannah-Jones Issues Statement on Decision to Decline Tenure Offer at University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill and to Accept Knight Chair Appointment at Howard University (naacpldf.org)

Dude: *rambling nonsense and clear display of bruised ego because he could not persuade me to struggle with him*

…. I don’t remember where the convo went after this, but he searched me on linked in and I was like *thumbs up*.  I have no intention of ever “adding him to my network.” 

Ok so let’s GET INTO IT: 

1. I don’t need you to tell me to keep doing what I’m doing. The doing BEEN getting done. 
2. Why would you assume everyone has an “academic twitter”? When the tweets are screenshotted and shared to instagram, I see all I need to: latest publications and other academics complaining about how shit academia is on a routine basis. 
3. Why would you assume I intend to do a post-doc? There are a billion and one things to do with a PhD… also have you ever DM’d a PI to secure a post doc on twitter? Does the NIH award fellowships for being a munch? Goofy. 
4. Why would you assume you could ever tell me what to do? Why do I need to be a black woman who struggles through pursuits of professorship? How dare you decide that is my role to play in this bureaucratic cycle?
5. Why would you assume I am naive enough to believe you had a stress-free PhD? You either weren’t actually enrolled or you routinely glaze over transgressions. Better yet, you probably are a part of the problem. Sips tea. Also, your Columbia post-doc is paying you really well? Lol ok sis. We can all google those very public stipends. The income poverty line in NYC is currently ~60K and rising. be fucking for real. 
6. Why would you assume I don’t have a network? My support system is stacked just like my CV. Be quiet. 

Yet another instance of the male-bodied offering unsolicited opinions on shit that has nothing to do with them: my career, my uterus, etc. Stop being so scary and ask me for my number you dweeb. We all know I’m cute and this is corny as fuck. If you really wanna pre-screen me, look my fine ass up on Pubmed. The use of the term “academic twitter” now gets you blocked on approach. Thank you for showing your true colors early and exposing your agenda. Be safe out there folks. 

Until next time, 

Stef